Amongst Men (many years ago)

Many years ago my workaholic father who takes only one day a year off (Thanksgiving) broke his foot and so I managed the restaurant for a while. It was the weekend dinner rush. How do you get cooks and men twice your age to respect you and cook the orders you give them because you have more customers than you can handle? You swear like a sailor and match their voices and threats.

Seriously.

A Knife (last New Year’s Eve)

Never go to a Chinese restaurant in New England on New Year’s Eve. It may be a tradition, but that is why it is the busiest day of the year.

My father currently has two restaurants and this past New Year’s Eve, I was manager of the newer of the two. At the start of the dinner rush, I go into the kitchen to find a fight between two cooks and a knife - in my uncle’s hand. The other cooks are holding the two apart. Everyone is shouting. I shout louder. And fire my uncle. I stare him down, throw him his car keys and tell him to leave. He shuts up and everyone goes back to cooking.

So is Chinese culture. You can shout, insult and even curse someone when tempers flair. But at the end of the night, after the crowds have gone away and we’ve all survived, you forgive and forget. And the next day, no one holds a passive grudge against anyone. Because we’re a family - even if we might not be related.

The Quiet Leader (the present)

Dishwasher soap ran out. Dishes just sit and remain dirty. Sigh. I buy dish soap.

New marketing director hasn’t started yet. Key members of other teams are going on vacation before then. External agencies calling about projects. Colleagues: “I don’t know. Wasn’t my area”. Sigh. Well let’s get together and figure it out. So I called a meeting. That is probably how I ended up involved and listed in more teams and regular meetings I can handle and still do my job well.

I don’t like gaps. Even if it is not my role and above or below my pay grade, I will do it if I don’t see anyone else doing it. My style is to lead by example. So I will put away the dishes. I will water the plants. I will run up and down flights of stairs and help the IKEA delivery man, carry up the pieces of our new kitchen. I am ecstatic that another colleague does the same. A little disappointed the others don’t even budge.

I learned from my father how to treat people. You smile and chat up every food, supply or laundry delivery person who steps in the door because it makes them happy. And happy workers and good workers, even if they are not your workers. They make sure you don’t get the dented cans or older food supplies. If it’s an IKEA kitchen, you make him a coffee, be genuinely impressed at how quickly he is working. And he’ll ask you how you want the pieces aligned. Oh you want to make sure you can still access the electrical outlet? No problem. Oh you want the upper cupboards up higher? No problem.

Workers who think he just stands there and talks quickly change their minds by the end of the day, after he’s also chopped meat, washed dishes and mop the floors.

N.B. Last chapter in post was written the following morning…